Twas the night before Christmas when all through the Keep
Not a traitor was stirring - I put them to sleep.
The Starks were all hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that their honor would die with them there.
My inbred children were snug in their beds,
While visions of lemoncakes danced in their heads.
And Jaime in armor, and I wearing none
Had just settled down for some incesty fun.
When up at the Wall there arose such a clatter
They sprang from their pallets to see what was the matter!
Up the old winch-lift they flew like a flash
(Except for fat Sam who fell hard on his ash.)
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to Others below
When what to their wondering eyes should appear
But thousands of wights climbing up without fear
They set up defences so lively and quick,
But the undead kept coming, a dozen wights thick.
So they called for backup, and soon they all came,
And they whistled, and shouted, and called them by name,
"Now Tully! Now Greyjoy! Now Arryn and Tyrell!
On Baratheon, Targaryen, Stark and Martell!
To the top of the world, to the top of the Wall!
Now fight away! Fight away! Fight away all!"
With wildlings and sellswords the steel it did fly
But when met with an Other, they'd crumble and die
The war for Westeros raged the night through
When the Great Other joined in the battle too!
And then came the dragons, coiling their flame
To cook all the Others and do it again,
The heroes all cheered but when they turned around
The dragons were waiting and standing their ground.
And then they too were fried, from their heads to their feet
All the great houses of Westeros, gone in a beat.
Except for the Lannisters, who played like a jerk,
They stayed out of the fight, put their money to work.
They bribed and they cheated, never donning a helm,
And woke Christmas morning to own the whole realm.
They waved to the dragons as they flew out of sight
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good Wight!